I write
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Heavy/Dirt

If you want feel free,

make this one mistake.

Feel the dirt with me.

Intoxicate yourself.

Fill up with poison

to be free.

 

Make this mistake with me.

Feel what the dirt is like.

You’ll like it more

than you think.

 

It takes a second.

Don’t think about it.

Slip into the ground

and fall through the other side

into a pool of water.

 

Soak up the water and drain the ocean.

Feel the world in your skin.

Feel bigger than you already are.

Feel full and heavy.

 

The current will transport you.

Transfer you to a whiter place.

 

Take this one mistake from me.

Slip it through your veins

 

Lay down with me

and sink into the carpet.

Forget what clean can be and

make this mistake with me

 

It’s easier to forget what it’s like

to be clean.

richieblackshaw:

Went wandering around with my wonderful girlfriend yesterday. caseythecat

He makes my heart explode. <3 richieblackshaw
richieblackshaw:

Darkness is the light. #vsco #vscocam #ig_newjersey

richieblackshaw:

Darkness is the light. #vsco #vscocam #ig_newjersey

Locked-in sydrome

grey-scale.

just enough amber light let in to acknowledge the room.

muddy wash of yellow sprayed on walls, furniture.

an ugly feeling.

 

absent sunlight.

rain tapers out, taps on loose windows.

I have not eaten yet because I am not inspired to.

 

nauseous from not eating

but I choose not to fix it.

uninspired to feel better.

I hate the color of the wall and the shape of the floor.

 

I feel smaller than I am.

all of my skin turned inside out

and it’s hard to open my mouth

and push words out.

 

there is a place out there where I’ll feel better but not here.

it could take forever until I go there.

I’ll spend my time scraping the ground if it means eventually I’ll get there.

 

my face is a plastic mold.

it won’t change itself

it sits, static, molded.

 

I’m trying to lay as still as possible

with the lights out.

I want it completely silent.

I want to feel static, molded.

I stare at the table by the wall and expect it to do nothing to me

and stay motionless.

 

I enjoy feeling static even if it means I’m not myself

because it feels authentic.

A state of being that is seen unfavorable becomes a friend.

 

I press my fingers hard into my temples

and listen for the rain to stop.

the muddy, yellow floor is making me sick.

I need to move.

Getting up from the chair

It’s curious to note how different environments affect my writing.

I thought that I had to be in a certain place and carry an appropriate mindframe to write something I feel is successful.

but I don’t think that’s it.

 

I prefer to write outside when it’s temperate and there’s a subtle breeze that creates a lulling static in the background,

as if to filter my thoughts so that I don’t hear everything I think.

I like the visual of the moon and its glow.

I like to have a few cigarettes to smoke.

I don’t mind the company of animals but i do mind other people.

I’d rather feel alone.

 

But who am I, as a self-proclaimed writer, to think that in order to create something new I have to sit myself in the same sort of routine?

I should not be restraining myself because I’ve written successfully a number of times in this setting I created.

 

I must mention that a few pieces I have made were in different environments and I have come to notice that those environments affected the mood of the writing.

In a cozier atmosphere, I write cozily.

At a desk, I write in a constrained mood.

 

I will make it my objective to play around with the relationship between the mood of my writing and the setting I place myself in.

See where that takes me.

I must engage more in the world around me and let it write with me.

fgelorminiphoto:

Brian - in Montclair, NJ (2014)

My babyboo lookin&#8217; hella fine. brian-louis

fgelorminiphoto:

Brian - in Montclair, NJ (2014)

My babyboo lookin’ hella fine. brian-louis

michaellottner:

she sends herself
crashing into me
full force waves
full of her passion
descend on me

and every time
the tide pulls her back
i feel myself
get a little more
lost at sea
.

richieblackshaw:

Working on the crib today. Thanks @trunkskateboards and @660ramp for hooking it up! #vsco #vscocam #ig_newjersey #thepad

This is my new home, guys. Richie has a way in making it look like ours. &lt;3

richieblackshaw:

Working on the crib today. Thanks @trunkskateboards and @660ramp for hooking it up! #vsco #vscocam #ig_newjersey #thepad

This is my new home, guys. Richie has a way in making it look like ours. <3

time-garden asked: hey, i saw your hair in the ion color brilliance tag and was just wondering what color you used. thanks!!

I used Magenta and Orange.